Mole's Main Event - Kurt Angle

What’s up tableau? Mole here with this week’s abbreviated Main Event. I know that last week I said I would discuss the perils of recent Monday Night Raw episodes and what I’d do to make them better. However, recent news will have to put that editorial off until another day.

Last weekend, nine-time World Champion and current TNA wrestling Champion Kurt Angle was arrested for driving while operating privilege was suspended due to a 2007 DUI charge, possession, harassment and prohibited acts. This arrest stems from Angle’s girlfriend, TNA wrestler Rhaka Khan, who filed a restraining order against Angle on Saturday morning. Angle spent nine hours in jail, but was able to post bail and get to the TNA Pay Per View Hard Justice on Sunday where Angle put his world title on the line against Sting and Matt Morgan. Angle won.

For Rhaka Khan’s side of the story, click here.

For Kurt Angle’s side of the story, click here

Honestly, I’ve got to believe Kurt Angle on this. I’ve heard Rhaka Khan is an absolute nightmare to deal with in the locker room, and she has been known to do some outlandish stuff, especially during her relationship with Angle.

My problem with this story stems from the TNA administration. Coming off the heels of his arrest, I don’t understand why they didn’t get the title off of Angle after he got out of jail for stalking a woman. Yes, HGH is legal in TNA, but whatever happened to setting an example? A guy gets arrested and he gets to keep the title.Sounds like less like wrestling and more like … well, US politics. The bookers of the match should have at least gotten the belt off of his waist until the dust had settled. The TNA world title doesn’t look as good behind bars.

In other news, WWE SummerSlam was this past Sunday, and while I didn’t order it, it seemed like the event was a success. Degeneration-X returned and had a hell of a battle with The Legacy, a crazed fan interfered twice during a bizarre WWE title bout between John Cena and Randy Orton, and Jeff Hardy put on possibly the best performance of his career, but lost his World title in a ladder match to CM Punk (can’t wait to watch that at some point). This might be Jeff’s last PPV match in the WWE as his contract expires this week, and he is not expected to renew it. In a surprise twist though, the Undertaker made a surprise return after the ladder match and choke slammed CM Punk. This filled my heart with glee with the prospect of a CM Punk – ‘Taker feud. Oh, joy.

Until next week, here’s more botchamania. Have a nice day.

Post written by Robert Molster

Mole's Main Event - John Cena or: How I Learned to Stop Griping and Accept the Gimmick

Ay Oh tableau! Rob Molster back here with this week’s edition of Mole’s Main Event. This week we delve into one of the WWE’s most popular and most hated superstars: John Cena.

If there is any one wrestler that could represent what the WWE is about today, it’s Cena. He’s charismatic, he’s likable, he’s steroid free (no joke) and he’s ripped (no homo). However, every time his music hits, there’s a consistent reaction. There are very high-pitched screams and a noticeable presence of low-pitched boos. Many times in promos (scripted interviews), Cena’s opponents will slight him by saying that it’s past his fans’ bedtime or that his biggest fans decided to have a tea party instead of coming to see him. While it’s scripted, the insult is not too far from the truth. A large portion of Cena’s fans consists of prepubescents, teenagers, and females. So, why is the WWE marketing a superstar that doesn’t even appeal to their most loyal demographic (adult males)?

In order to answer this question, let’s go over what John Cena has done in the WWE so far. He debuted in the summer of 2002, not really making much noise until later in the fall. On a Halloween edition of SmackDown (WWE’s former Thursday night program), Cena dressed up as Vanilla Ice and rapped. The audience reacted well, and the WWE decided to run with the gimmick, with Cena wearing jorts, throwback jerseys and cutting promos in freestyle rhymes. His freestyles were somewhat entertaining, but mostly cheesy.

Cena released a rap album and has starred in two movies, both produced by Vince McMahon. The album and the movies were great, if your idea of a relaxing day is an afternoon of electroshock. Give him credit though: the album and the movies sold enough to get him money.

Nowadays, Cena has dropped the street guy gimmick and started pronouncing his r’s and such. He’s the WWE’s ultimate babyface (good guy): the clean cut, all American boy. So, why do so many people hate him? There are a few different answers to this question, but there’s one that I think most people will agree with. In truth, Cena’s not that good of a wrestler in the technical sense. He doesn’t possess a wide array of moves and his offense can get pretty stale. Couple that with less than stellar coordination and you can see why fans are disappointed that this is the most popular WWE wrestler. While I will say he has definitely made considerable strides in terms of his wrestling ability since his debut, he’s still not a great wrestler. He’s good at best.

Another reason why people don’t like him is because of his gimmick.You can’t really act like a street thug when you’re billed from West Newbury Massachusetts. That’s like trying to find someone who break dances at Farmington Country Club.

Cena also rubs people the wrong way when it comes to past wrestling icons. He’s a corporate player with a cool head, meaning he’s the exact opposite of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Instead of pushing the envelope and doing everything he can to fight the establishment, Cena smiles in the face of corporate America.

So let’s ask the question again: Why is the WWE pushing Cena as their main guy when he’s not that great? The answer is simple: he’s a safe bet. In these times of recession, the WWE cannot afford to take chances. They know that Cena has a large enough fan base that will guarantee Pay Per View event buy rates, TV ratings, and ticket and merchandising sales. If Vince McMahon rubs them the wrong way, he’ll lose big time dough.

At this point, I’ve learned to deal with Cena. He’s boring, he’s bland, he’s predictable, but hey, if he’s this famous, he must be doing something right.

Monday Night Raw has gone down the tubes with this past week’s episode being heralded around the Internet as the worst in history. Next week, I’ll discuss why Raw sucks and how it will help take another wrestling promotion to the next level. Until then, enjoy this Botchamania clip, and have a nice day.

Post written by Robert Molster

Mole’s Main Event

Hey, guys. Rob Molster here with a new weekly column for your reading pleasure here in Mise En Scène. This column will focus on professional wrestling, with an emphasis on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), with some Total Non-stop Action Wrestling (TNA) as well. Some weeks will feature recaps and analysis, some will include features focusing on a specific rivalry, match, or topic related to the business.

Since this is the first edition of Mole’s Main Event, I would like to address some obvious issues. First and foremost, contrary to popular belief, professional wrestling is not fake: it’s choreographed. Think of a match as an elaborate dance number, but instead of plies and spinning, there are bodyslams and powerbombs. You wouldn’t say that a dancer is faking when he/she performs a number, would you? For more on how “fake” pro wrestling actually is, take a look at this TV special that aired at the height of WWE’s Attitude Era. Be forewarned: Nick Bakay acts like the viewer is 8 years old at times, but there are some interesting tidbits in the documentary. If you still think it’s straight up fake, check out wrestlinggonewrong.com.

Yes, pro wrestling is more entertainment than sport. The Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and The Rock are perfect examples of this. All of these guys were good (not great) technical wrestlers. What made them stars was their ability to connect with the crowd. The Ultimate Warrior had strength, but couldn’t wrestle his way out of a paper bag if he had a chainsaw. But he had amped up entrance music, face paint, and insane promos. Hogan had better technique, but what really got him over with the fans, brother, was telling his millions of Hulkamaniacs to eat their vitamins and say their prayers. Indeed, watcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you? The Rock, who probably was more technically sound than the previous two superstars, has so many catchphrases that you’re probably thinking of one right now. WWE even named a show after one of them (Smack Down). Do you like my column so far? If not click here.

However, the days of Hulkamania, the New World Order, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and The Rock are long gone. This is a new era of professional wrestling. The late 90s, early 2000s mindset of more cursing, more offensive gestures and more tits is no more. To me, the professional wrestling world is looking for a new identity. The WWE doesn’t feel right in its own skin. The Attitude Era has been done, as has Hulkamania, so now what? If you want the answer to that question, plus a take on the controversial superstar that is John Cena, check in next week. Until then, in the words of Mick Foley, have a nice day.

PS: If you still don’t like this, I got two words for ya: click this.

Post written by Robert Molster